Admittedly, the last 2 weeks have been fairly stressful and quite an emotional ride. I was trying to get everything in order and wrap up things at work so I could comfortably step away for awhile to take care of this little heart thing. At the same time, I was also beginning to share the news with more and more people as to my current situation. And wouldn't you know it, all along the way, people are being so nice and so kind to me! And as weird as it is to say, I wasn't ready for that. And I mean, literally... I wasn't ready for that, not that I was surprised it was happening.
I was talking to my sister one morning on my way to the ferry and sharing my latest stresses and what was bothering me. And she said something wise (like she always does) to the effect of, "At some point you gotta realize there are a lot of people who care about you and just embrace it." It hit me at that moment that I wasn't embracing it whatsoever. In fact, I was putting up a big wall trying to push it away.
Maybe embracing it made it all that more real. Or maybe embracing it showed my vulnerability. Or maybe I really just wasn't ready.
Then somewhere along the way, I realized I was ready. Ready to accept it. Ready to finally feel all the love and kindness and just plain goodness that was being given to me by so many people. Ready to actually embrace it. And this time it felt good. Crazy good as we would say in one of my projects at work.
I am so glad I finally made it to this point. Last night was such a wonderful night just being together with my favorite Starbucks partners. And accepting all the words and hugs and thoughtfulness each of them has been trying to give me that I had actually been avoiding. It was more special to me than I think any of my words expressed. I am truly, truly thankful.
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